It never goes right....

Things still can't seem to go right.
Won't be seeing Lee in March which really bums me out.
Needed an 18 on my ACT's and I only got a 17.
Listening to my head too much and not my heart.
*Edit*
Just got done laying outside and reading.
Yes I am a nerd.
I am missing so many people right now.
I want to be back home.
I want to be with Ashlee.
I also want to see the guys.
I want to find the other half of me, I hate having to wait to find him.

On the road to self-discovery.
I'm going half the speed limit.
Because I'm afraid the cops will pull me overasking for some ID.
and then I'll have to say "I'm sorry, Sir. But I'm nobody."
That's all I've ever been.
A nobody in nowhere with no one.
Hoping against hope that I'll be found.
And someone will take me in their arms and they'll whisper sweet nothings in my ear
like I've been dying to hear for years.
I don't remember what color my eyes arebecause I haven't had the courage to check in so long.
I'm so afraid that if I see myself I'll finally realize that I am pretty damn far gone.
But like I said, I'm on a road to self-discovery.
And on that road, there are cliffs.
There are oceans.
There's a bridge.
There are drifters, lovers, bikers, and loners.
Givers, takers, wanters, needers.
There is violence.
There is hope.
But most of all, there are dreams.
Oh God, what it feels like to have a dream consume you.
At first, it's beautiful then it gets worse.
Then it becomes so painful, all you want to do is let go.
And forgive.
And forget.
But I won't forget.
Even if it were possible, I wouldn't let it slip.
Misery is your best company.
Suffering is your best teacher.
Hating is your best sin.
I know all three better than I should.
Better than you ever could.
It's hard to hold on to pain.
But when you do, you go farther.
You dream larger.
And you fly higher.
It doesn't seem like that in the beginning,
but when it ends, you'll see.
Just take a look inside your heart.
Just take a moment to breathe.
On a road to self-discovery.
I'm slowly gaining speed.
I'm more confident with every tear.
I'm weaker every time I breathe.
The cops aren't on my mind.
They'll have hell trying to catch me.
I'm taking every mile like a lesson learned.
And I'm becoming good friends with my misery.
Because, we all know I'll need its company.



more later...