If we aren't back in reality my Monday...

This isn't going to be about anybody all of this is going to be random unless otherwise stated:
There are things that have hardly been part of my life, but the moment I decided to admit that he was my savior, he tore me down, reminding me that nothing is as
miraculous as it may seem.
No one is who they appear to be.
And sometimes the innocent are crucified.
Star-crossed means fate.
Fate is bullshit.
I am a walking shell, and suddenly I am completely transparent.
With words you never truly know what someone means.
Not unless they give you footnotes.
I'm not worth the wait, so I understand why people would rather skip out.
I am a lush for disaster.
I force my eyes to look away and turned around to open an door.
It always rains on nights like this.
I swear the weather always reflects my moods.
Overreaction.
Its a curse.
An instinct.
A God-given talent.
Its what I do best.
I overreact.
At least that is what people keep telling me.
Lying, like overreacting, is a God-given talent.
You are either good at it, or you're not.
He was.
I was the one who bought the lies and fell in love after every "I'm sorry" card and bouquet of roses.
I was the one who overreacted.
I was the one who bought the lies about what he really did every night.
Its what I don't know that hurts me most.
I've found myself doubting more and more.
I can smile and nod my head but I'm really shaking it on the inside.
I should just have a good time.
I shouldn't care and I shouldn't let it hold me down.
But it does.
And it always will.

I am starting to feel better physically and emotionally.
Shrinks are stupid if I knew how I felt about things I wouldn't come to you.
I am still hoping that I can see Lee next month.
Hoping that this isn't mono because I can't seem to get rid of whatever it is that I have.
I hate being tired all of the time even when I haven't done anything.

more later...