Here's something I started to write the other day. When It's done I'll be sure to share the whole finished product with all of you.
What is love?
Is it a billion shinging stars in the sky and the brightest one is only for the two of you?
The two lovers tangled together, but one question remains. Is their love a lie?
Star crossed lovers, together at heart but miles apart. What kept them that way? Lie after lies, deception, false hopes. Oh what could have been.
What is love?
Is it a million different love songs, but only one rings true?
Can one not seal the deal? Make you laugh, cry, and feel everything all at once?
Hope you like the preview....
Friday, July 29, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
grant me some peace....
I'm finding it hard to get by right now. I mean really. I know I know all of you are going to be like suck it up, it's really not that bad. If only some people really knew.
I have a job. Do I love it? No. Do I need it? Yes, more then anything. I'm getting the hours but not the pay I was supposed to be getting. I'm literally scraping by. I'm honestly lucky right now when I have a few bucks to spare for gas and to go to the dollar store to pick up a box of ramen that has to last me for two weeks.
Yes people times have really fallen that hard. I woke up this morning and after paying 40 myself and my mom kindly paying 50 last week on my over due cell phone bill...which by the way is the only way I can talk to people...I wake up to it being shut off. Really? I kind of just want to burst out in tears. The cable is off, because I couldn't afford to pay for that (I still owe my roommate/cousin money). Last month my roommate lost or had stolen 60 dollars that I gave her towards rent and bills, so I had to fork over another 60. Heck I'm picking up some wifi just to post this up.
Yes sob story I know, this is my vent read it or don't.
I wish I could hit it lucky. More money, more hours, more anything at this point but the bad. I'm at a lost of what to do. I need help, but I feel like if I go to my family it means I'm failing.... before I curl in a ball and just give up.
I have a job. Do I love it? No. Do I need it? Yes, more then anything. I'm getting the hours but not the pay I was supposed to be getting. I'm literally scraping by. I'm honestly lucky right now when I have a few bucks to spare for gas and to go to the dollar store to pick up a box of ramen that has to last me for two weeks.
Yes people times have really fallen that hard. I woke up this morning and after paying 40 myself and my mom kindly paying 50 last week on my over due cell phone bill...which by the way is the only way I can talk to people...I wake up to it being shut off. Really? I kind of just want to burst out in tears. The cable is off, because I couldn't afford to pay for that (I still owe my roommate/cousin money). Last month my roommate lost or had stolen 60 dollars that I gave her towards rent and bills, so I had to fork over another 60. Heck I'm picking up some wifi just to post this up.
Yes sob story I know, this is my vent read it or don't.
I wish I could hit it lucky. More money, more hours, more anything at this point but the bad. I'm at a lost of what to do. I need help, but I feel like if I go to my family it means I'm failing.... before I curl in a ball and just give up.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
heavy is the head that wears the crown, don't let the greatness get you down...
My oh my what a way to end and start a new year. How crazy is it, that it's 2011 already?!
So for christmas I went to Miami! It was tons of fun, the relaxation that I needed. I got to write every morning!
Who wouldn't with that view right there though? I finished a couple songs and I'm really proud of them honestly. It was really nice to meet my dad's fiance's family finally. I mean they have been together for like over two years now. Let me tell you, the Latinos sure know how to party. Food, drinking, dancing. It was just so much fun!
New years was just as great. I had to work till about six, rush home, get ready for everyone that was coming over. The theme was to wear something new and red, and we did all these other things that are traditions. Have coins in your pocket, eat 12 grapes, and kiss at midnight. No mine wasn't a real kiss, I have no one to kiss! Ha! It was just nice to hang out with people and catch up on what had been going on since we saw them last. Games, watching the ball drop, way more food then we needed, the works!
So this week has been an adventure already. I found out about a possible job. It would require me to move though. I have to say...I'm willing to take it. It's back in Augusta where I was living a few years ago, really when most of this blog started. I have people I know there, unlike here. I would have one schedual. More money. Benifits, which is a major plus, because I have nothing right now and it all comes out of pocket. Other then finding that out, my car decided to give me problems. As I was driving to work, I rolled on up to a stop light. What happened? It shut right off, no lights worked, it wouldn't turn back on, nothing! Luckily for me there was a cop just a few cars back and saw people going around me. Him as well as another man pulled over and helpped push me out of the road. The big man upstairs must have been watching out for me! However...a new alternator, the belts for it, and new battery terminals later, I'm out about $546.26. Can we say ouch?! Almost all of that is labor too! They really like to rip you off with that. But, what's done is done. I'm safe, the car is fixed, and I have an interview next wednesday for that job!
Wish me luck people, and let's hope for my sake that this year is the best yet!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
my skin is shedding, just like the season's change.
Thoes little imperfections
make you beautiful, loveable, valueable
They show your personality inside your heart
Reflecting who you are....
Freckles- Natasha Bedingfield
As everyone know, this past Sunday I turned 24! Happy Birthday to me! With it comes some new realizations. I'm me. There's nothing anyone can or will do to change that. Yes things that people say hurt, I also know that I get defensive a lot when I feel people are attacking me. I need to stop that though. It also got me to thinking. Yes I know that's a scary thing! Haha. In all honesty though, it's time to start being comfortable in my skin, or at least trying to get there.
There's a few goals that I've set for myself this year. Get my own place. Be healthy and do it the right way. Save money as much as I can, shop less, budget more. If I do all of that I'll be golden. It's time to get out and spread my wings. I'm ready for it!
Well....I know this was short, but family time calls! Have a good week everyone.
make you beautiful, loveable, valueable
They show your personality inside your heart
Reflecting who you are....
Freckles- Natasha Bedingfield
As everyone know, this past Sunday I turned 24! Happy Birthday to me! With it comes some new realizations. I'm me. There's nothing anyone can or will do to change that. Yes things that people say hurt, I also know that I get defensive a lot when I feel people are attacking me. I need to stop that though. It also got me to thinking. Yes I know that's a scary thing! Haha. In all honesty though, it's time to start being comfortable in my skin, or at least trying to get there.
There's a few goals that I've set for myself this year. Get my own place. Be healthy and do it the right way. Save money as much as I can, shop less, budget more. If I do all of that I'll be golden. It's time to get out and spread my wings. I'm ready for it!
Well....I know this was short, but family time calls! Have a good week everyone.
Friday, November 12, 2010
memories of times so deep...
Upon reading an amazing womans post Liz Anne Hill, who is seriously stronger then she know's I've decided to post things about my own self and past. It's going to be hard to do, but theraputic.
Most people don't know this, but when I turned 15 I was diagnosed with colon cancer. It was a really bad time for me honestly. You start thinking about the things that you may never see, never do, and never have. I had it all through highschool, and even missed homecoming my senior year. I gain tons of weight from the chemo tablets because I didn't want to lose my hair, that was the one thing I wasn't going to let happen. My second week of college I had a major flair up and miss about three days of classes. I was quickly put back on something for inflammation that I still take everyday and I'm getting ready to turn 24 this weekend. It's hard some days I'll admit. When I have bad day's they're really bad.
This part is going to seem random, but you'll see how it all ties in. When I was about 4, I walked in on my mother in the bathroom. She was hunched over the toilet and I didn't understand why she was sticking her finger down her throat. A few days later...I was caught doing the same thing my mom had been, and at that point didn't do it again.
I've always realized I was a little bigger then most of the girls around me. I've always swore that I would never take the same path as my mom did...however I failed. My second semester of college I was really depressed. In one week I had three people die, two family members and even my own god father. One to cancer, anther to a heart attack, and one to old age. I was hating myself for all the weight I had gained from the chemo. I'd eat and feel like the ugliest person in the world. So...I'd eat but then within a matter of minutes I'd be in the bathroom emptying the contents in my stomach, so I was 19 then. I lost about 25 pounds to the point that my clothes were baggy but tried covering it up with wearing bulky clothes because I didn't want people to realize. I didn't have anyone to fall back on. I was hours from home and people that I knew from the time I was 10. When the year was done, my mom even noticed. Nothing like not having an ass in jeans that you should have them in. I played it off for the longest time, before one night I just couldn't do it anymore. My bestfriend Ami was there, she's the only one that knows it all. I told her everything and I'm thankful that I did. She was there with me when I told my mom and yes I did go through theraphy for a few months.
There's days I still look at myself and just go ewww. I'm being really careful about what I eat anymore, I exercise when I can. I've never really shared with anyone all of this. It's time to let it all out though. Some people will be like...wow really? I never would have guessed. Other's may hate on me, but really it doesn't much matter now. I'm doing better then I was. There's still days like I said, but one day at a time I'm getting stronger, learning to hold my head up and say "don't like it, don't look."
more later....
AshleyRockstar <3
Most people don't know this, but when I turned 15 I was diagnosed with colon cancer. It was a really bad time for me honestly. You start thinking about the things that you may never see, never do, and never have. I had it all through highschool, and even missed homecoming my senior year. I gain tons of weight from the chemo tablets because I didn't want to lose my hair, that was the one thing I wasn't going to let happen. My second week of college I had a major flair up and miss about three days of classes. I was quickly put back on something for inflammation that I still take everyday and I'm getting ready to turn 24 this weekend. It's hard some days I'll admit. When I have bad day's they're really bad.
This part is going to seem random, but you'll see how it all ties in. When I was about 4, I walked in on my mother in the bathroom. She was hunched over the toilet and I didn't understand why she was sticking her finger down her throat. A few days later...I was caught doing the same thing my mom had been, and at that point didn't do it again.
I've always realized I was a little bigger then most of the girls around me. I've always swore that I would never take the same path as my mom did...however I failed. My second semester of college I was really depressed. In one week I had three people die, two family members and even my own god father. One to cancer, anther to a heart attack, and one to old age. I was hating myself for all the weight I had gained from the chemo. I'd eat and feel like the ugliest person in the world. So...I'd eat but then within a matter of minutes I'd be in the bathroom emptying the contents in my stomach, so I was 19 then. I lost about 25 pounds to the point that my clothes were baggy but tried covering it up with wearing bulky clothes because I didn't want people to realize. I didn't have anyone to fall back on. I was hours from home and people that I knew from the time I was 10. When the year was done, my mom even noticed. Nothing like not having an ass in jeans that you should have them in. I played it off for the longest time, before one night I just couldn't do it anymore. My bestfriend Ami was there, she's the only one that knows it all. I told her everything and I'm thankful that I did. She was there with me when I told my mom and yes I did go through theraphy for a few months.
There's days I still look at myself and just go ewww. I'm being really careful about what I eat anymore, I exercise when I can. I've never really shared with anyone all of this. It's time to let it all out though. Some people will be like...wow really? I never would have guessed. Other's may hate on me, but really it doesn't much matter now. I'm doing better then I was. There's still days like I said, but one day at a time I'm getting stronger, learning to hold my head up and say "don't like it, don't look."
more later....
AshleyRockstar <3
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
MIA
I'm not even going to say sorry about being away this time. I've known this was here, I've come to read all of my past entries when I've felt the need to. I'm going to start this up again. I need to, because sometimes this is the only place that I can let it all out, or even be creative. I hope whoever reads this will see a little part of me. The good, the bad, the in-between. Feel free to leave me comments, love, hate, anything. I really wanted to change the name of my blog link, but I don't think I can or know how to, so until I do it's going to stay the same. Is there something you want me to share or write about? Leave it in comments and I'll be sure to get to it. Tons of things will be coming at you soon!
AshleyRockstar!
AshleyRockstar!
Monday, June 30, 2008
soft skin, red lips, so kissable...
I have finally decided to write here again. I don't now what I will share and what I won't. The posts may be random just like this and I'm not really sure if I will be sharing what I write anymore....anyways....
Seems like everyone I know is in love these days, and it sucks that I have no one but honestly it really isn't bothering me all that much anymore. Shocking right? I have me, school stuff, and everything else to worry about, why add looking for someone to that? When the time is right that person will come to me, is how I feel. It's like I'm giving up but I'm not, I'm just...comfortable.
So life has still been stressful lately but I'm doing everything I can to calm it down. Getting new stuff for school and just shopping for mayself and all. I'm going to warped soon and I'm soooo.... excited! lol! Seeing some of the boys will be eventful I'm sure. I miss Lee I can't believe she's back with Skyler but I have a feeling its working this time by what shes been telling me. My best friend and baby sister who I would do anything is in love and its the cutest thing ever, Love you Lee, and I can't wait for school to start its going to be fun! :)
now lets go to my top 5 songs I've been listening to right now:
1. My Heart- Paramore
2. Life is a perception of your own reality- chiodos
3. Cold hard heart- Bonjovi yes I know that's an oldie but hes good!
4. She's a handsome woman - Panic at the Disco
5. Hit me with your best shot- Pat Benatar
So go out and listen, party it up and have fun! Summer will be over before you know it and it the best time to go out and make memories!
AshleyRockstar!
Seems like everyone I know is in love these days, and it sucks that I have no one but honestly it really isn't bothering me all that much anymore. Shocking right? I have me, school stuff, and everything else to worry about, why add looking for someone to that? When the time is right that person will come to me, is how I feel. It's like I'm giving up but I'm not, I'm just...comfortable.
So life has still been stressful lately but I'm doing everything I can to calm it down. Getting new stuff for school and just shopping for mayself and all. I'm going to warped soon and I'm soooo.... excited! lol! Seeing some of the boys will be eventful I'm sure. I miss Lee I can't believe she's back with Skyler but I have a feeling its working this time by what shes been telling me. My best friend and baby sister who I would do anything is in love and its the cutest thing ever, Love you Lee, and I can't wait for school to start its going to be fun! :)
now lets go to my top 5 songs I've been listening to right now:
1. My Heart- Paramore
2. Life is a perception of your own reality- chiodos
3. Cold hard heart- Bonjovi yes I know that's an oldie but hes good!
4. She's a handsome woman - Panic at the Disco
5. Hit me with your best shot- Pat Benatar
So go out and listen, party it up and have fun! Summer will be over before you know it and it the best time to go out and make memories!
AshleyRockstar!
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