Loaded gun...

If I knew what it was like to die, do you think someone like me would have thought about the experience?
Though, honey, I know what it's like to want to die.
How, no matter how hard you try, you just can't fit in.
How the voices of your peers ring in your mind late at night, when your boyfriend tells you he's working late, but he's really out with the one who made you cry in the school's bathroom stall.
When it hurts too much to smile, to laugh.
& how you hurt yourself on the outside, to try and kill the thing on the inside.
I know what it's like to wish he meant it when he kissed my lips, because, I could look back & remember someone loved me, but I can only look back & remember someone who said they did.
I know what it's like to look into a mirror, and not want to see yourself. How you wish you were someone else, a little bit skinnier, a little taller.
How you hate yourself, inside and out.
I know what it's like to feel surrounded, and I know what it's like to feel alone. But I understand, and have felt what it's like to feel both at the same time.
Lately, I spend too much time thinking about things that will never happen, and dressing up for a boy who will never care.
I know what it's like to feel desperate.
Just cut my heart open with a razor & we`ll call it a day, 'cause honey, I know what it's like to want to die.