Im so sick of everything....

"Every night I fall.. waiting for the world to end."



I'm so sick of my life falling apart all around me over and over again. I'm sick of sitting by and watching things I cannot change. I'm sick of being told things will be okay when they won't be. I'm sick of being trapped I want to be free. I'm sick of trying to fight. I'm sick of swimming in the never-ending sea of sorrows. I'm sick of trying to stay above the water, but drowning anyway. I'm sick of hiding how I feel. I'm sick of faking every smile. I'm sick of saying I'm dandy, when I'm not. I'm sick of keeping back my tears. I'm sick of holding back my screams. I'm sick of living this way. I'm sick of feeling this way. I'm sick of people telling me my life isn't that bad. I'm sick of people saying it could be worse. I'm just so sick of everything.



It's sad that I'm only 20 years old and yet in my heart I feel as if I'm 50 because of all the things I've been through.



I want to break free.

Broken....

I try to hold on to better times
When I believed in myself
When I was so full of hope
When I thought I could achieve everything
When I felt like nothing could ever bring me down again

Cause now there’s nothing that can lift me up
My life is all fucked up again
Just like everything I do is wrong
I wonder if there’s a point in carrying on at all
The days when I used to stand tall are now gone

I can’t do anything on my own
And I don’t get along with the world
I don’t have faith in myself
No one hears my insides cry so loud
Once I used to hope for a happy future
But there’s no one around to lend a hand

I’m left all alone and feeling so lost
How can I go on?
Seems like I haven’t found my way
One I could see it from a distance
But these days are gone.

I never knew that it could be so damn hard
To heal one’s wounds
Still I’m trying to save myself
But I just can’t make it on my own
I’m dying everytime I’m all alone.




Still stuck in the house. Getting to go to whitewater possibly on Tuesday... but I don't see that happening. If not I am breaking out on the 4th of July and going to the park or something. My writting is starting to come back a little I haven't done too much. I miss Lee and the K-town crew. I love ya'll. I found Dirty's song in my note book today and just cried. I miss being with people, it's like I am not connected to the world anymore. Sure I have the internet, tv, and cell phone... but thats different then being with people face to face. My vocals are crap right now because I haven't been singing in a while. but here's a let down for you.


More Later....
<3 AshleyRockstar