Love is just Joke spelt wrong...

You say You love someone forever

How long is forever actually?

Until you find someone new?

Someone better?

Its like when you fall

Its hard to get back up

but you just clean the wound

And move on

When you fall in love

However, its like that person

Took part of you along with them

There's something missing

Its just hard to figure out what it is

When some affects your life so much it hurts

You try and go back to what you did before them

But its not the same

Its dulled somehow

Its like they made you feel good

So when they left they make you feel bad?

Yin and Yang?

You feel good so you must feel bad to?

So When you say

"baby I love you"

Are you really saying

"ill pretend to love you until someone new is here"

Because from what I can tell

Love is just Joke spelt wrong!

Its just so hard to forget someone that makes you smile

Is the same person person who isn't there now is the one that makes you frown

Its not fair

I shouldn’t have let you this close to me

Why was I so stupid to fall for you?

Its hard to think that this all happen from you saying "wanna do something?"

All this could have been avoided if I just said two simple letters

N and O

then maybe I wouldn't be in this mess

Jumbled things....

I'm not going to die,
I'm not going to give in,
I'm going to stay here,
and fight my way to the end.

(Im in pain right now I think I have another flare up coming on and it sucks so bad. I hate dealing with health problems. I think its from dealing with stress the past few days.)

You can push and shove,
Call me names,
Try to ruin my name,
and hurl things my way.

(I swear you are fucking bipolar Pete. Happy and talking to me the one minute the next your bitching me out and sending me pictures of you and her on your birthday.)

In the end,
I still stand,
Strong and Proud,
You can't win.

(Because even your new powers have no effect on me. I have taken your blows and others too and I am still making it through. I want to be back with Lee :( I miss here and everyone.)

My fight is
For my life,
The one I lead,
Without a dream.

(even though I have alot of dreams right now... but music and singing and being with lee are all on the top of that list.)

All the pain,
and the sorrow,
Will soon fade,
in passing days.

(When everything will go my way and be how I want it to be it will.)

But that is
still so far away,
and I'm left to
fend for my way.

(I have done everything I need to have everything Ive got in my life, and I will keep doing it until I have everything in my life I deserve.)

I'm not going to break,
But I will start to bend.
I'm not going to fall,
But I will start to slip.

(Life will always be this way.)

You're not going to win,
Even if I lose,
Because I'm not dieing,
or giving in...

(nor do I ever plan to.)


So I am feeling a little under the weather right now.....
More later....
AshleyRockstar

Reminds me of home....

I love being here in MO with Lee! Things are going great other then finding out that my dad go into a pretty bad car accident the night that I got here. Meeting the people that are closest to Lee is awesome, they all seem really cool. Ive picked up my cell phone so many times wanting to call him.... yes Pete! But I haven't he doesn't know about my dad and for now its going to stay that way, and when we do start talking Im pretty sure that I will get yelled at for not telling you. Opps! I hate fighting with you because it makes me think about you more because every song and every video that I hear and see makes me want to break down right there like a baby but I don't and I won't because you will never have the satisfaction of knowing that this is what you do to me. For thoes of you that are already bored its going to stay that way because there is going to be none of my writting other then what's going on in my life at the moment. Lee graduated last night and it was awesome I've never been on the other side of graduation because I was the one that graduated. It made me miss being in highschool and having that one moment where it was about me and getting that little slip of paper saying your done. These two weeks are going to be great. We've gone bowling, eating out (TACO!) yes I get picked on for saying taco weird *giggle*, graduation, walmart. And Im going to dye my hair today. YESSSSSSSSSSS! Goodbye ugly blonde in my hair. Yep. Im being random. I guess I will wait and see what the rest of the day will unfold for me. My times already ajusted, which is great because I thought it would take me longer this time. LOVE YOU LEE!
More later bitches.......
Ashley

I will never know how to say no...

Sometimes I hate it when people to ask me to do something. I don't know how to say no to anyones face. My grandmother keeps asking me to do things but do I want to no... do I do it? Yes because I hate to disappoint people and can't say no to anyone's face. Last night was fun went out and danced for a while, which I haven't done in forever. I hate when guys hit on me also... its so weird. A guy asked if I wanted a drink and I guess he thought I was 21 so it was a beer did I really want it no but me being me said sure! At least nothing bad happened. I feel like if someone asked me to jump off a bridge I would do it just for the sake of not disappointing people. I can't wait for tomorrow I finally get to see Lee! Im really excited... time to start on one of my many adventures of the summer. I hate that I only get to spend 2 weeks with her I wish it was longer. So I leave there June 6th and leave right from the airport to drive to PA! Gosh how busy life is going to be. Im ready for it though nothing I can't deal with. So I need to finish packing some little things....

More Later...
<3 ~ Ashley the fucking rockstar! (haha love you Casey- "good morning princess rockstar")

And you still on my mind...

I find myself running cold fingers across my lips,
Your taste still lingering.

Head back, down it, burning,
Repeat.

You sat across from me under that fucking tree and watched,
The icy cool liquid, stopped my breath.
Kind of like you.

That time disappeared in a flash, and there you were, smiling and laughing,
Interacting with others, not being anti-social.

We were mimicking actions.

You laughed at me and her. You laughed and whispered something.
I heard my name.

Then,
You threw your jacket over my shoulders, the edges touching the mud.

It's nice, huh?
Warm, comfortable, expensive, I want one. It had a nice scent. I wish I'd kept it on longer.

I'm sorry I kicked you.
I'm sorry I annoyed you.
I'm sorry you need me to spell it out.

I like you. A lot.


get over it.. him Ashley.


[Remember when you pressed your lips to my neck?
Yes?

That was fun. We should get drunk every night.]

Boys=Poop

Somewhere in the trunk of your mind,
Hidden underneath your bag of secrets, your box of lies,
Your thoughts are all shattered into pieces of glass,
Each one marked with red, tasseled between your masks.
And every time you think, "Oh, what a Hollywood-whore,"
Your stapled poster-boys sing, it's her, it's her.

Oh, somewhere in the trunk of your mind,
Where loves were ripped, memories left behind,
Your thoughts are all broken into over dose pills,
Each one marked with black, gives your spine a quick chill.
And every time you think, "This isn't a Hollywood-Thrill,"
Your glued baby-girls sing, she's there, she's there.

Oh, and in the bottom, locked in the trunk of your mind,
Lies a photo of a girl-
A dream girl left behind.

May is here....

May is here and with it sucky ACT scores this time I only got a 15! :-( So I am crying over it right now. Maybe I am not ment to go back to school, I really wanted to tho. How come when you go to a state tech college that they dont need your ACT or SAT's? I hate test. I really want to go to SEMO its the only place that I applyed for to get into. I want to be with Lee! Does god hate me or something? Ok so maybe I am overreacting but I don't know what to do. I thought I had done so much better. SIGH! I guess going in with my head held high thinking that I was going to do better bit me in the ASS! Ok breath Ashley breath. AHHHHHHHHHH! ok how about a scream. Things are going to work out for the best they have to. Maybe just maybe SEMO will take me on the 17 after they find out I got a 15. Maybe?..... 22 days and I will see Lee at 8:30 AM YAY!

More Later.... <3 Ashley!