Somewhere in the trunk of your mind,
Hidden underneath your bag of secrets, your box of lies,
Your thoughts are all shattered into pieces of glass,
Each one marked with red, tasseled between your masks.
And every time you think, "Oh, what a Hollywood-whore,"
Your stapled poster-boys sing, it's her, it's her.
Oh, somewhere in the trunk of your mind,
Where loves were ripped, memories left behind,
Your thoughts are all broken into over dose pills,
Each one marked with black, gives your spine a quick chill.
And every time you think, "This isn't a Hollywood-Thrill,"
Your glued baby-girls sing, she's there, she's there.
Oh, and in the bottom, locked in the trunk of your mind,
Lies a photo of a girl-
A dream girl left behind.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
May is here....
May is here and with it sucky ACT scores this time I only got a 15! :-( So I am crying over it right now. Maybe I am not ment to go back to school, I really wanted to tho. How come when you go to a state tech college that they dont need your ACT or SAT's? I hate test. I really want to go to SEMO its the only place that I applyed for to get into. I want to be with Lee! Does god hate me or something? Ok so maybe I am overreacting but I don't know what to do. I thought I had done so much better. SIGH! I guess going in with my head held high thinking that I was going to do better bit me in the ASS! Ok breath Ashley breath. AHHHHHHHHHH! ok how about a scream. Things are going to work out for the best they have to. Maybe just maybe SEMO will take me on the 17 after they find out I got a 15. Maybe?..... 22 days and I will see Lee at 8:30 AM YAY!
More Later.... <3 Ashley!
More Later.... <3 Ashley!
Monday, April 23, 2007
Will May ever come?
So this past weekend was so busy. Mary's Birthday was Friday. Had a wedding to go to on Saturday and then went out to dinner for Mary's b-day. German food is good. And yesterday we went to six flags for Mary and Tim's b-day. I feel old. Mary only turned 19 and Tim is turning 16 ahhhhh! Sometimes I forget he is so young because he looks and acts so much older. I want the end of May to get here so that I can go and see Lee! I am really excited. It makes me miss highschool sometimes things were a little easier then. I miss seeing the guys and talking to them all the time like I used to. This summer is going to be so different for me. I was always used to coming down to Georgia. Now I am going to see Lee for three weeks, come back for a day and leave the next night to finally go and see my mom after 8 months. Times have changed so much, struggling to get back into school not being able to find a job for so long because I am either over qualified or have no qualifications at all. Music and singing is all I want to do with my life yet there isn't too much I can do with that around here. Not too many gigs have been coming my way lately, but to be honest I really haven't had the time to do them and it all stops after next weekend so that I can spend the week packing, heading to my fatthers house to work for a week and then to go and see Lee!
More later <3 ~Ashley
More later <3 ~Ashley
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Here I Am
Here I am
in darkness
in shame
depressed and stressed
losing my faith
then I see something
not recognizing
what I'm looking at
is me
So here is my first post in a while. Things have been so crazy. I am really looking forward to this summer, I need to get away. I am so stressed about the little things that are going on and that still need to be done. I can't wait to see Lee, about a month left and I finally get to make my way to see her. Still have to buy the plan ticket but there is no problem with that. Taking my ACTs again on Saturday, I will have an 18 or higher this time I swear it with all my being. I will go to SEMO, I am NOT going to stay here and go to ASU! Ahhhhh! Did a little shopping on Tuesday which I shouldnt have I spend $135 in a matter of an hour! So bad. I bought alot though. Things for the summer and whatnot.
More later....
<3 ~ Ashley!
in darkness
in shame
depressed and stressed
losing my faith
then I see something
not recognizing
what I'm looking at
is me
So here is my first post in a while. Things have been so crazy. I am really looking forward to this summer, I need to get away. I am so stressed about the little things that are going on and that still need to be done. I can't wait to see Lee, about a month left and I finally get to make my way to see her. Still have to buy the plan ticket but there is no problem with that. Taking my ACTs again on Saturday, I will have an 18 or higher this time I swear it with all my being. I will go to SEMO, I am NOT going to stay here and go to ASU! Ahhhhh! Did a little shopping on Tuesday which I shouldnt have I spend $135 in a matter of an hour! So bad. I bought alot though. Things for the summer and whatnot.
More later....
<3 ~ Ashley!
Friday, March 23, 2007
Pretty, Pretty pills....
This place tastes like suicide.
Blood.
Tears.
Failure.
& Depression.
And these pills never were so tempting.
It's the newest fashion of '07.
Death never looked so good on me.
It makes my hips slimer.
And my eyes more blue.
Everyone around me is giving it a try.
They take pills like they're just drugs.
They pop pills like they're candy.
Party when the funeral ends!
But the funeral never stops.
No matter what you do
You'll still see girls in black dresses
And little boys tugging at their ties.
I want to join in.
I'm tired of this fucking world.
A world where nothing goes right.
Where everyone keeps turning their back of me.
Where no one cares where they sleep at night.
Don't leave me here in this dark world.
I need your light to guide me.
Don't leave me here in this sick world.
I'll need your comfort to help me.
Don't leave me here in this cold world.
I'll freeze without your warmth.
These pills can't keep me warm.
But they keep tricking me into thinking they will.
I won't do it.
Yes, you will.
I can't do it.
Yes, you can.
I am fucking sick of being left.
In this cold, dark, sick world.
With no one.
With no explanations.
With no good-byes.
You do it one more time?
And it'll be my turn.
Blood.
Tears.
Failure.
& Depression.
And these pills never were so tempting.
It's the newest fashion of '07.
Death never looked so good on me.
It makes my hips slimer.
And my eyes more blue.
Everyone around me is giving it a try.
They take pills like they're just drugs.
They pop pills like they're candy.
Party when the funeral ends!
But the funeral never stops.
No matter what you do
You'll still see girls in black dresses
And little boys tugging at their ties.
I want to join in.
I'm tired of this fucking world.
A world where nothing goes right.
Where everyone keeps turning their back of me.
Where no one cares where they sleep at night.
Don't leave me here in this dark world.
I need your light to guide me.
Don't leave me here in this sick world.
I'll need your comfort to help me.
Don't leave me here in this cold world.
I'll freeze without your warmth.
These pills can't keep me warm.
But they keep tricking me into thinking they will.
I won't do it.
Yes, you will.
I can't do it.
Yes, you can.
I am fucking sick of being left.
In this cold, dark, sick world.
With no one.
With no explanations.
With no good-byes.
You do it one more time?
And it'll be my turn.
And yet you still can't be happy...
Can you never be happy for me?
I tell you things thinking that you would be happy for me and all I get back is yelling. You telling me it's not a good idea. What about my dreams? You already have yours. I haven't slept and now I am sick from the stress. Lord knows I don't need it, I am always sick enough. Are you worried something is going to happen with the guys? That would never happen. But then again why should you care anyways?
I'm going to lay down. More Later....
I tell you things thinking that you would be happy for me and all I get back is yelling. You telling me it's not a good idea. What about my dreams? You already have yours. I haven't slept and now I am sick from the stress. Lord knows I don't need it, I am always sick enough. Are you worried something is going to happen with the guys? That would never happen. But then again why should you care anyways?
I'm going to lay down. More Later....
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Life when we were young....
If life could stay as it was when we were young.
When boys had cooties and girls were just icky.
When all we needed was candy and a t.v. to make us happy.
When the worst things we did was yelling at our little brother and the worst punishment we ever got was an early bedtime.
It was a time when the toughest descions we had were picking teams for tag and when money was only useful for toys.
It was a wonderful time when hugs solved anything and family ment everything.
When we were young death was not understood and pain could not truely be described.
Look at us and see what we have become. See how we are in a world of lost hope.
Where life just means pain and suffering and happiness is only a blurry dream.
Where high school is a prison full of messed up people and crazy teachers.
We now live in a wrold where money means more drugs and people hate themselves because they don't look like the girl on the cover of the magizine.
Where people feel the only way to escape their pain is to hurt themselves.
In this world we are pressured to be people we're not.
How could I have become this girl who can't even look in the mirror because she knows she'll just cry?
How could people I've known since kindergarden be smoking pot or cutting their wrists?
When we were young we could laugh and joke around saying we'd never do those things, but when things like alcohol and suicide are starring at us in the face we just give in.
When we were young most of us were safe. We had high hopes and dreams and hearts of gold. I wish I could go back to those years of my childhood where I didn't have to be afraid of life.
When boys had cooties and girls were just icky.
When all we needed was candy and a t.v. to make us happy.
When the worst things we did was yelling at our little brother and the worst punishment we ever got was an early bedtime.
It was a time when the toughest descions we had were picking teams for tag and when money was only useful for toys.
It was a wonderful time when hugs solved anything and family ment everything.
When we were young death was not understood and pain could not truely be described.
Look at us and see what we have become. See how we are in a world of lost hope.
Where life just means pain and suffering and happiness is only a blurry dream.
Where high school is a prison full of messed up people and crazy teachers.
We now live in a wrold where money means more drugs and people hate themselves because they don't look like the girl on the cover of the magizine.
Where people feel the only way to escape their pain is to hurt themselves.
In this world we are pressured to be people we're not.
How could I have become this girl who can't even look in the mirror because she knows she'll just cry?
How could people I've known since kindergarden be smoking pot or cutting their wrists?
When we were young we could laugh and joke around saying we'd never do those things, but when things like alcohol and suicide are starring at us in the face we just give in.
When we were young most of us were safe. We had high hopes and dreams and hearts of gold. I wish I could go back to those years of my childhood where I didn't have to be afraid of life.
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