When Die-monds Fall From The Sky

Lay back, baby.
Relax your mind.
Though, sleep never comes to your eyes.
Can you feel the pulse,
The pulse of my wrist?
Hell, the world already knows,
How you left me like this.

I am the obsessed.
You are the obsessor.
Dreams are for beleivers.
And I can't beleive...

Emotions running high.
Like late night in the basement.
Lips quiver, hearts break.
How many pills should I take?
My prescription's expired.
How could you know?
Faux affection.
Good intention.
That's not a crack through a muscle.
That's a break in my heart.

Teardrops fall.
One by one.
Have you been counting?
I have.
This is how I pass my time.
Repeating all of your clever lines.
Over and over,
You take over my mind.

What's sympathy among enemies?
Hell, what's a hug between friends?
When your compassion is false.
All you ever wanted was a good night reaction.
Well, I'll tell you,
I can't see any stars in your eyes.
There filled with die-monds.
Baby, die-monds.

My eyes are lined with black.
You wonder, 'what is that?'
The charcoal makes me seem ob-scene.
But baby, why do you care?
You won't stare into the eyes,
Of your lower-class lover.
And I can't help but wonder...
Why not me, but another?

ughhhh....

It never goes right....

Things still can't seem to go right.
Won't be seeing Lee in March which really bums me out.
Needed an 18 on my ACT's and I only got a 17.
Listening to my head too much and not my heart.
*Edit*
Just got done laying outside and reading.
Yes I am a nerd.
I am missing so many people right now.
I want to be back home.
I want to be with Ashlee.
I also want to see the guys.
I want to find the other half of me, I hate having to wait to find him.

On the road to self-discovery.
I'm going half the speed limit.
Because I'm afraid the cops will pull me overasking for some ID.
and then I'll have to say "I'm sorry, Sir. But I'm nobody."
That's all I've ever been.
A nobody in nowhere with no one.
Hoping against hope that I'll be found.
And someone will take me in their arms and they'll whisper sweet nothings in my ear
like I've been dying to hear for years.
I don't remember what color my eyes arebecause I haven't had the courage to check in so long.
I'm so afraid that if I see myself I'll finally realize that I am pretty damn far gone.
But like I said, I'm on a road to self-discovery.
And on that road, there are cliffs.
There are oceans.
There's a bridge.
There are drifters, lovers, bikers, and loners.
Givers, takers, wanters, needers.
There is violence.
There is hope.
But most of all, there are dreams.
Oh God, what it feels like to have a dream consume you.
At first, it's beautiful then it gets worse.
Then it becomes so painful, all you want to do is let go.
And forgive.
And forget.
But I won't forget.
Even if it were possible, I wouldn't let it slip.
Misery is your best company.
Suffering is your best teacher.
Hating is your best sin.
I know all three better than I should.
Better than you ever could.
It's hard to hold on to pain.
But when you do, you go farther.
You dream larger.
And you fly higher.
It doesn't seem like that in the beginning,
but when it ends, you'll see.
Just take a look inside your heart.
Just take a moment to breathe.
On a road to self-discovery.
I'm slowly gaining speed.
I'm more confident with every tear.
I'm weaker every time I breathe.
The cops aren't on my mind.
They'll have hell trying to catch me.
I'm taking every mile like a lesson learned.
And I'm becoming good friends with my misery.
Because, we all know I'll need its company.



more later...

I want to start over new...

I won't go back to what I felt.
That's a promise to myself and not to you this time.
I've lived my whole life for someone else.
Hoping I wouldn't disappoint.
And begging to hold on for one more day.
All I ever got out of this was less time, more hurt, and a broken state of mind.
And I never lived a moment for me.
Maybe I'd be worse, maybe I'd be better.
But at least I would know I'd lived.
Sometimes I just sigh to be sure I can still breathe.
Or to make sure my lungs still work.
Right now, I only blink to block the world out of my vision for a split second.
For just a moment, I'm free.
Freedom.
I've forgotten what that felt like.
I'm so sick of feeling the same way every day.
I don't get it.
Why can't I change my ways?
What did I do to be so different?
Did the world take a little more time to make my image?
Did everyone stop with me?
Why can't I breathe when all I've ever done is please?
And how come you prosper when all you ever did was rip me apart?
I'm tired of asking myself questions.
It's harder when you don't know the answers which I surely don't.
I'm sick of feeling miserable.
When that's all I'll ever be.
I've had enough of living life just to get by.
I want more than that now.
You could call me high maintenance.
But I'd laugh in your face.
You could bully me more than anyone.
And I'll push you right back.
That was never me before.
You called me something?
I simply answered to it, knowing it must be true if you said it.
If you tore me apart.
I'd let you because I wasn't strong.
But, it's got nothing to do with muscles.
It's got to do with your soul.
Your mind.
Your heart.
All three are struggling for me.
Stop telling me what I am.
Or what I should be.
I won't listen anymore.
If I need to go deaf to make it happen, I will.
If I need to go blind to stop seeing you, I'll do it.
If I need to to die to be happy?
Well, we won't go there.
From this day forward, I've got a new edge.
I'm the knife you never knew could hurt you.
The blood you never thought would spill.
The lies you never imagined could unfold.
So, guess what?
Now, I'll only breathe to steal the oxygen.
So when all of you can't breathe, I'll laugh.
I'll only live to live for me.
And when all of you suffer, I'll be glad.
Now when you tell me I can't.
You'll wish you never had.
I'm a monster.
I'm a bitch.
I'm a scratchout, a reject, a snitch.
I'm a follower.
I'm a rebel
I'm a lover, hater, and dweller.
I'll destroy you.
I'll lash about.
I'll stop you, drop you, and kill you.
If that's what it takes to get the hell out.

I am so tired of being here.
I want to be with Lee so bad.
Still hoping that I am going to make it there.
Mom's surgery is tomorrow so I am freaking out a little.
I keep laughing at the littlest things even when they are not funny because I am so tired from after this weekend.
It was so nice to just be away with friends.
"Your mom!....Your anus!"
Wow crazy times!

More Later...

Replay the accident...

Those waves of passion.
Did they help knock you down?
If I'm too cold inside, to sad to smile,
Don't think I'll breathe when you come around.
Superstar, baby, it's what you've become.
The lines were sang, baby, bang the doldrums.
If they said, "It's love. It's in you to give,"
why did your love come attack my wrists?
You don't know me.
Baby, I don't know me.
Why does your face keeping coming around.
Just when I'm about to let go.
Stage lights, street lights.
Will you fight under them when I'm gone?
But there's so many things I've done.
You shouldn't know....
Baby, you'll never know.
If I'm too weak to be your cure.
Baby, could I be your accident?
No, but I'll keep on trying.
You know, this is more than she's ever done.


I am in one of my emo moods tonight.
I have a wonderful boy laying right here by my side.
Don't get jealous, it is not what it seems, he is more like my younger brother anyways, except he reminds me of you.
My mom's surgery got pushed back to next week, I forgot I didn't tell anyone but Lee.
Getting the money that is owed to me is beginning to be harder then I thought it would be.
Still sick how long has it been now?
Pills are looking so good right about now but I am with and talking to people that are keeping me sane at the moment.
I know that you are going to call or something to yell at me about that.
Thank god for them.
Lee I hope you are feeling and doing better, you are one of the very important people in my life and if wasn't talking to you tonight I might have done something bad.

More Later...

Randomness.......

I feel like being random all of a sudden.
I want to kiss you on the lips and tell you I'm your biggest fan, anyone that is will to have me do it.
Cockyness is not flattering, it gets old after a while.
If I act like I own the place that's becasue I do.. only not really.
I'm a sucker for acoustic.
Some things are harder than we wish, but look at the bright side something has to go right at least once.
Sometimes when people annoy me I feel like screaming I am going to punch your lights out.
Is there such a thing as danger in words when they are lyrics?
Peter Pan is miles away, and Tink is sitting right here writting to whoever god I love that movie!
Still sick hate it.
Tada thats a funny word because things don't just magically appear, maybe disappear but never appear!

ok randomness over for now...
More Later...

I don't know why I am posting this....

Nobody ever said we could end up like this.
I kissed the lips of your lies away.
I remember you told me, "love can't save you, only my new powers can," But it looks like you lied about that too.
You dropped the heart.
You broke the name.
Baby, tell me, why do you live this way?
Lips against lips,
Like hips attatched to hips.
I fell in love by accident,
You cheated on the dance floor.
Call the police man.
I think we've got ourselves a scene.
Although you seem to disagree, "This ain't a scene," But baby, it's no god damn arms race. Just a slip of my sanity.
Just a whisp from my lips.
Nobody loves me, baby.
No, not even you.
I can hang on to the phone.
I can sleep to the lullaby of the hallow dial tone.
His taste turned bittersweet.
His love had formed to lust.
Baby, don't come home to see me.
Your girl's waiting by the bus.
Forget me and my ways.
It's much easier than it seems.
I need some time to forget.
My heart has no self-esteem.
I know you know.
You know it well.
The devotion of my heart is a tool.
I wish you'd know.
That I did'nt know.
Breaking hearts never looked so cool.


I wrote this when we weren't talking. Why I am posting this I have no idea! You seem so sad all of a sudden did something happen between you and her? Please smile and don't fake it, because it hurts me so bad. I miss you! I miss the guys! Mostly I miss just laying around with you and having to say nothing and we know what the other might be thinking.

I am still sick I really want it to go away! I am finally keepng food down, which is a good thing I guess! I hate food, its not my friend!

More later....